Deirdre Does Poems

Poems by Deirdre

Vote in the 2015 Elections Before It’s Too Late!!!

When we’re in these times of woe
To the polling station we must go
To cast our vote and have our say
And try and help keep bad politicians away 

We must remember one and all
That we don’t want to live somewhere awful 
Where no one can do what they want to do
Instead they have to earn a living cleaning up poo
Or the equivalent of what that means to you 

It’s not like a few years ago,
where you could do the job you wanted to
Oh no, Cameron saw to that
By making it impossible to earn money and that
But Ed milliband is being a bum hole as well 
Making up lies and on live television tell
-ing us how he’s going to change this and that
Well, in reality he comes off like a Pratt 
No Ed, tell us how you’re going to save the Nhs
Instead of showing us why you think you’re the best 
And now there’s all those pictures to make you look super hot
Well, I’ve got news for you Ed – you’re not! 

And the Green Party are there trying their best
By trying to save the environment and all the rest 
But don’t get me started on bloody ukip
Nigel farage makes you look like little shits 

Moving on now to the SNP
I’m most intrigued by their policies 
What will they do for us apart from Scotland’s segregation
From this country, where we should support integration?
It makes no sense to me, this idea Scotland should be free! 
Free from what? We’re all one big happy family! 

So let’s just be together and smile together
Get through the good and bad times and the stormy weather
Vote for whom you want to just as long as you do
And don’t vote for someone rubbish who will turn out to be a poo

So get out there and vote before it’s too late

…ah well, there’s always next time…I guess?!


Easter Egg Hunt

Eggs, eggs, I like them eggs 
I like to eat them up, eggs, eggs, eggs
When I go out on an Easter hunt 
I gather the eggs like a greedy 
Can’t think of a better way
To spend my day 
Than by hunting eggs
In my driveway 
Sometimes in the garden 
Sometimes in the park 
No matter where it is
Easter egg hunts are such a lark 


It’s so hurty
But I get through 
It’s a bit like 
It’s so annoying 
When you’re soaked through
But we get through 

I don’t like it 
But I mustn’t 
About my pain 
Because it’s not as bad as others’ 
It’s not the same
But I feel such pain 
Again, and again, and again 

In the pit of my stomach 
To the tip of my bum
This flatulence needs to go, hon 
‘Cause it hurts so bad 
And it makes me sad 
All I feel is pain 
And all I smell is eggs 
Pain and eggs 
Eggs and pain 
Farts and pain 
Pain and farts 
Trapped wind 


Ducking Run 
Ducking Run 
Ducking run 

Run super fast 
And get to the end Hun 

Do it fast as lightening 
Get set GO!
Get around those 26 miles
Go go go

Ducking run 
Ducking run 
Ducking run 

Ouchie though your hamstrings are 
Let them take you mighty far 
Don’t let them slow you down son 
Make em get you to the end Hun 

Ducking run 
Ducking run 
Ducking run 

Do it for the charity 
Do it for humanity 
Do it for her majesty 
But don’t ever ever stop! 

Ducking run 
Ducking run 
Ducking run 

May I, Mayor?

Congratulations Jeremy On getting one of your lot in as the mayor-y
We thought he’d make a brilliant choice 
Because he’s not a private school boy 
However, when he was rude to you
Hurt your feelings, and acted like I poo
I didn’t like it! 

I thought, hey, hang on now son! 
You’re supposed to support him now you’ve won
Not un-support your political boss 
That’s not nice now is it, what a toss 
up I did to try and see 
How I felt about sadiq’s little tantrum hehe 

But when it came down to it,
The crux of the matter 
I realised I liked sadiq
more than that nutter 
You know, the one who dodged all the taxes 
Covered the media with racist attacks(es)
Well I’m just glad he’s out of the picture 
Sometimes these tories remind me of…ooo…what was his name again? He was German and he wasn’t very nice!! Let me have a think… 

Anyways. All I’m saying is
I think it’s fair to say 
That perhaps we should be nicer to each other, 

Oh yeah…David hassleoff…No, wait, not him….oh who was it now?! 

Here’s one that I did for the London Marathon…

Running the marathon 

Jogging the marathon 

Walking the marathon 

Crossing that finish line 
For the third time 
Makes me feel so proud 

You’re mighty fine 
It’s your marathon hat-trick 
No one else here can match it 

Your endurance must be off the chart 
You’ve got running down to an art 
Whoosh as you pass me 

Wow you’re mighty fast 
Tearing up the pavement 
As you run straight past

Downing all that Lucuzade makes you look bad assed 
Just as long as you’re not the runner who is coming last 

So come on Katie 
You can do it 
Get to that finish line 
Do it do it do it!!!

Red, Red Burn

Red red 
Itch itch 
Never again 

Red red 
Itch itch 
Scratching scratching

Red red 
Itch itch 
Hurty hurty 

Red red 
Itch itch 
Prickly prickly 

Red red 
Itch itch 
Stinging stinging

Red red 
Itch itch 
Where’s the aloe Vera 

Factor 50 all the way 
Especially when you’re out in the sun all day
When, Dierdre, will you learn 
There’s nout worse than sunburn

A thought on Zayne

Oh Zayne, from One Direction
You give my mind an erection!
You spark my creativity
With your immense masculinity.

I know you pluck your eyebrows
But that makes you studly somehow.
I like it when you don’t smile
On the posters, I like to look at them for a while.

But you see, now you’ve left the band,
“One Direction” I cannot stand!!
That sneaky one with the died blonde hair,
And the others for who I do not care.

Because it was you, Zayne, who stole the show!
You who made me to each concert go
You who knew how to properly entertain
were the best direction, Zayne!!


Turn those pages
And read those lovely words 

Sentences run from left to right
Or right to left 
Watch those phrases flow
I need my reading glasses 
To see those tiny fonts 
To understand those squiggley lines 

They’re so squiggley
Running through each other
Round and round 
Up and down 
Dots as well


Words upon the pages
Pages that we read
Inside each and every book 

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